I’ve been amassing a collection of partially written posts over the past week while I try to work out exactly what I want to say about what has been going on with running, school, and life lately. I think it is easiest to just get right to the point.
I missed a lot of runs during the second week of March. It was a weird week to begin with because my sister and niece were visiting for the first half of the week. The second half of the week was almost completely derailed due to weather (extreme high winds, up to 68 mph!), health issues (not injured! more details in Life), and school stress (always present these days). I was 3 miles into a 12 mile long run when I reached my breaking point and ended up crying while I walked home. Took the rest of the day to be extra kind to myself and reminded myself that one bad week does not define me as a runner.
This week is off to a decent start 🙂
Counting it down: each class has 5 more sessions.
In a surprising twist, I’m doing best in my class that has the hardest subject matter. Look at me, reading XML and understanding URIs and stuff! My other class: please don’t even make me think about it; it does nothing but stress me out.
The health issue I mentioned. My skin, which has typically been smooth with just a hint of redness, has completely revolted. I’ve always attributed the redness to the fact that I have very, very sensitive skin. In this picture I am wearing only sunscreen and my skin looks perfect.
After some trial and error over the past month or so I realized it was time to see a doctor, who confirmed my suspicion that I now have rosacea. A lifelong condition which will cause redness and rough texture on my face when triggered. Right now, mine is being triggered by running (exercise is a very common trigger). I’m crossing my fingers that the actual trigger is really the cold/dry air/wind and not the exercise. But in short, every time I go for a run, my skin gets worse. I obviously don’t want to stop running, but it is killing my self-esteem to look in the mirror and see a red splotchy mess. So now while I run all I can think about is the damage that I am causing to my poor skin, which kills my desire to run and is exactly how I ended up walking home on Sunday.
Realistically I know with the right skincare and the right medication I should be able to keep running AND have decent skin. I also know that I am my biggest critic and the redness/bumpiness is not as bad as I perceive it. But knowing these things does not change the fact that this is a major source of stress for me. I’m doing my best to be flexible with my training based on my stress levels and in general, focusing on being kind to myself.